the dark side

I need to get my Health back and get out of this Dark Place

The journey to good health and well-being can be difficult and there are times when you feel that you are making it, and then something happens and you are right back in that dark place.

That is my journey so far.

Right now my health is not good and only a few weeks ago I was so bad that I felt like I was going to die if I did not do something this year.  I am not a great fan of the western medicine system with its limited drug or surgery solutions, so I needed to access a way to let my body heal itself.

My health has been hindered by a large number of allergies and intolerances.  I discovered these in 1996 and going on a restricted Candida diet changed my health dramatically, and this led into finding the RawFood diet where I found more health and well-being.   But I found that my work and long hours commuting and travelling made a rawfood life more and more difficult, not to mention the problems of being seen as different and wierd at work.  To get on at work, you need to ‘fit in’ and I always felt that I did not ‘fit in’.  Although raw food made me feel good, I suddenly felt something go in my back whilst driving my car (a scary situation).  I managed to drive slowly back home but then my back seized up and any movement caused horrendous pain.  I ended up in hospital.   My back got worse and specialist said that I had DDD or degenerative disk disorder.   I had time off work but it was not until I found a wonderful osteomyologist that I could walk and work again.   However long commuting and changes at work made life and my health difficult again.  So I ended up without a job or income and a choice.  Accept a short road to disability and death or find a way forward to bring back my health and well-being.

I chose the second option, but it is not an easy option.

I felt better once I had stopped commuting and had a rest but then found it impossible to get a suitable job nearer to my home.  Then the menopause hit me….. hard.  I had not had too many symptoms before but suddenly I was having hot flashes all day and night and they just keep getting worse.  These are accompanied by feelings of anxiety, panic, fear of dying, fear of being burnt alive.   My skin, nails, hair, scalp have become dry and flaky,  my allergies and intolerances have got worse and I gained lots of weight, even when I tried dieting.  Then I got a ‘frozen shoulder’ according to doctor, that meant that I could not use my right arm/hand.  As I was right-handed and lived alone this made life very difficult and it took months to heal.  I could not get dressed or feed myself properly, drive etc etc.  I was in a dark place.  I also develped a permanent flu like state, and then my allergies got worse.  My eyes itched painfully, my skin developed lesions and ecxema, my throat was sore and painful, my nose had ulcers, my mouth had ulcers, my ears itched, my chest itched, my back itched, my arms developed lots of lumps and sores, my feet hurt, my knees hurt, my fingers were sore and swollen, I was dizzy, I had migraines where I lost my vision, I was depressed, My stomach was bloated and swollen, my breasts and armpits were sore and my IBS and ME flared up.   Then my asthma came back and as soon as I lay down I could not stop coughing until I could not breath as I felt my throat swell up.   I was in a really dark place and scared.

I still had a belief system that there was an answer I just had to find it, but my energy levels were so low that it was difficult to do much.  Also I had no money.  This was really stressful, but I found a way of getting a small income, but it took a year for all the agreements and paperwork to be completed and the tax office to agree.  So at the start of 2017, I had a small budget, a light at the end of the tunnel, lots of dreams, but little sleep and health.  I asked the Universe/God for support as I decided that 2017 was the year that I would find a way to get my health back.

I am writing this blog to record my progress and keep me on track.  I want changes to be permanent and I feel that the best way is to take steps towards my goal.  I cant just go on a 100% raw food diet, because I am allergic to too many raw foods, and I have little money to spend and waste.  I have to plan my return carefully and I feel that good preparation is the best tool for reaching my goal.

So I have taken the first step on my journey.

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